Funny Quotes and Sayings

Here you can find the best collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous Funny quotes and Funny sayings, and Funny proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

"I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That’s the difference. "

Conor McGregor

"It is funny to me that because I can run, because I’m athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

Colin Kaepernick

"If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."

Clint Eastwood

"They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning."

Clint Eastwood

"I saw 28 Days. I don’t remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It’s a big landfill."

Charlie Sheen

"But you can’t focus on things that matter if all you’ve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know."

Charlie Sheen

"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time. "

Charles M. Schulz

"I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand. "

Charles M. Schulz

"I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them. "

Charles Darwin

"I used to be the class clown. I was the funny kid. That’s why it was so hard for people to understand that I rap, because for a long time, they didn’t take me seriously for who I was. By, like, eighth grade, I was really rapping. "

Chance The Rapper

"Instant gratification takes too long. "

Carrie Fisher

"My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him – being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I’ve never seen anybody better. "

Carol Burnett

"If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable. "

Carrie Fisher

"My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

Carol Burnett

"Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

Carol Burnett

"Everybody I know who is funny, it’s in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don’t like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

Carol Burnett

"I’m really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "

Carol Burnett

"I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

"I’ve had an experience through music that has touched almost every part of me. It educated me in ways that I didn’t get educated in school. So we try to lay on a bit of that, through being funny, being serious, playing hard."

Bruce Springsteen

"There’s only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and talk exactly the same."

Bo Burnham

"I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he’s great, such a great dude, and really funny."

Bo Burnham

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."

Bertrand Russell

"As for our majority… one is enough."

Benjamin Disraeli

"It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat."

Arnold Schwarzenegger

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?"

Arnold Schwarzenegger

"I’m odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet."

Angelina Jolie

"It is really funny when people say you’d be obvious for a great villain."

Angelina Jolie

"I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don’t know. I mean, how can you tell?"

Andy Warhol

"Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny."

Stephen Hawking

"Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs."

Alfred Hitchcock

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